What is my parenting style?

Often as parents we question our actions and decisions, unsure if we handled a particular issue in the best way or indeed we may decide to not handle the issue at all. It can be a minefield of doubting ourselves and hence sometimes the easier option is just to pretend that there is no need to deal with something, that it will all just go away. This of course rarely happens and instead we end up kicking the can down the road when the situation has snowballed into something a lot more challenging to tackle.

I find in my work with parents the first thing to remember is to have a little compassion for ourselves, as more often than not what stops our acting or indeed what feeds our doubt is fear. Parenting can be the most challenging job we are ever likely to do and so I recommend to parents to consider what their parenting style is as a way of learning whether or not they are dealing with the everyday issues in the best way possible whether that be a child's refusal to go to bed or a child who is struggling with needing to be perfect.

In general there are four different parenting styles as outlined

below.

Exploring where you feel you best fit in on the grid can be helpful in understanding what may be happening in your relationship with your child or children. The current thinking, including my own as a professional, is that we aim for the Authoritative style, being willing and able to provide flexible, warm and responsive support to our children while maintaining high standards for their behaviour and high aspirations for them in their everyday lives. The child is immersed in secure predictable primary relationships with his/her parents as an almost invisible launchpad for them to explore and meet the challenges of the outside world.

If we find ourselves in the other three quadrants it is always worth considering ways of changing what we are doing/saying or examining our perception of a situation. Very often our parenting style is reflective of how we ourselves were parented as children or we may decide that we will parent in the complete opposite way if we perceive our experience as having been quite negative.

This is food for thought. There is always help available if you feel that you need more guidance in, or support to explore, your parenting but any change should be anchored in compassion and done at a pace that both parent and child can manage.